Tonight’s lesson, boys and girls:
When the geriatric dog suddenly comes up off the floor like a rocket and runs over to the screen door, fur a-bristling, and howling like a banshee, don’t simply shine a flashlight around the yard and assume the source of the to-do is gone and then allow aforementioned howling beagle to go outside to transact the usual business.
Because if you do, aforementioned beagle will transact business and then rouse a really surprised and subsequently hacked-off skunk from its nocturnal nosings at the edge of the bushes in the yard. Aforementioned hacked-off skunk will then direct a shot of something very effective as a deterrent in the direction of aforementioned beagle, who will then slink off in an embarrassed fashion towards the patio while his idiotic dad will call into the house for a very large can of tomato soup, as well as a Google search for ‘Dog Skunk Odor Remover.’
Aforementioned idiotic dad will then spend his Saturday evening massaging a recommended mixture of peroxide, baking soda and dish soap into aforementioned beagle’s fur while aforementioned beagle registers his extreme displeasure with the entire world by delivering ‘if looks could kill’ glances at the idiotic dad and attempting to jump out of the tub and rub his stinky cheek on the living room rug.
He’s resting comfortably under his blankie in the living room floor, thank you very much. He got a caught a glancing blow and there’s still some stink on the cheek, but otherwise, I guess I can recommend the peroxide remedy.
I can also recommend shutting the patio door and closing the blinds and telling the dog to mind his own business.
As opposed to the other course of action.
